I recently had someone ask me on twitter: "How did you get from Shy to shining?"
I decided to answer that question on my blog so I could easily share it with everyone. Below is an excerpt from the introduction to my soon to be published BOOK which answers this question. Of course overcoming any ingrained habit is a life long challenge but there are ways to do it.
So... how did I go from shy to shining" I made a very deliberate
choice. Somehow I knew that I did not
want to continue being type cast as the shy background player in the movie of
my life. I yearned to step out of that role. It was suffocating me but I didn’t
feel capable of being anyone else. Shai was familiar, she was comfortable, she
was well liked, respected even, but she was driving me crazy! If you are reading this book, chances are
there is a quality or habit that you feel locked into that you would like to
release. That’s just how I felt. So, I
made a choice. The deliberate choice I made to step out of
my shyness wasn’t premeditated but as soon as I made it, I knew it was right.
In February, I had the honor of being one of the many fantastic speakers at Tory Johnson’s Spark and Hustle conference in LA. My topic: “How to Go From Shy to Dynamic: For those of you who don’t know, I was painfully shy as a child and have gone on to become a speaker, trainer, coach and crusader for improving the quality of face to face communication.
The day I was scheduled to speak at Spark and Hustle was the longest day of the conference. It started at 8 am and I was schedule to speak at 4:45. Fabulous speaker after fabulous speaker shared, inspired and educated the audience of some 200 female entrepreneurs. I sat at one of the tables with about 6 other ladies, some participants, some speakers. We chatted, shared and learned together throughout the day. Then it was time for my presentation. I opened with music - a rousing rendition of “This Little Light of Mine.” (more about that decision in another post) I hit the stage and delivered my presentation with the type of energy that was consistent with my topic; for those 20 + minutes, I was fully committed to being dynamic! The response was terrific. At the end, I had everyone on their feet claiming their space and shouting out how wonderful they were.
But what really fascinated me (and the reason I’m writing this post), was what happened when I got back to my table. My table mates were in shock! They couldn’t believe that the person who had been sitting with them for the past 9 hours, was the same person who had taken the stage! Their reaction really made me think. First, of course, I went to the “bad” place. “Wow, do I come off as incredibly boring and insecure when I’m not on stage?” Then after I talked myself down from that ledge, I thought… “How could I have and why would I have brought that same level of dynamism to my “role” of conference participant? To me, it would have been inappropriate – not to mention thoroughly exhausting!
As a matter of fact, one of the first things I mentioned in my presentation that day was that in order to go from Shy to Dynamic, we need to learn certain skills and arm ourselves with certain tools that will make us a dynamic presence when we need to be. Once we master those tools and skills, we can choose when and where to use them. Just like not every job a carpenter tackles will require a band saw, not every situation we encounter will call for the same type of presence. In short, we don’t have to be dynamic 24/7. But good communicators like good carpenters should have the best tools at their disposal. Bottom line, it’s important to learn to be dynamic… (in your own way) but it’s just as important to know when and where to bring that dynamism out!
Had a wonderful time Sharing AND Learning!
Sorry the video cuts off so abruptly. My camera ran out of battery. Hoping to get the rest of it from a friend who was taping. Thanks Lisa!! Here's what I talked about.
Claim Your Space!
60 to 80% of communication is nonverbal. Your visual and vocal message needs to be consistent with the words you are saying. If they are not, we tend to believe the visual and vocal over the verbal. How we walk, stand and sit communicates our level of confidence to the outside world BUT walking, standing and sitting in confident postures also helps us FEEL more confident. Practice taking up more space when you stand, sit, walk and gesture.
Speak With Power!
The quality tone and inflection of your voice is responsible for 38% of your message. Habits like – Up speaking, (everything a question) Drop speaking (losing energy at the end off a sentence) and Whatevering (boring sing song) weaken your message and make you sound less than confident. Learn to breathe from your diaphragm to add a deeper resonance to your voice and think about savoring your words and giving them as gifts!
Voice Your VALUE!
In addition to looking and sounding good, knowing and being comfortable communicating your Value is extremely important. What are the core character strengths and values that set you apart from your peers? Make sure those values and strengths come through loud and clear in your communication.
