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| My son Nolan and me in Billings, Montana |
When my friend Amy Ferris asked me to contribute to an
anthology about shame, (
Dancing
at the Shame Prom, Seal Press) I hesitated for a moment and then said “Sure,
I’d love to”. Not because I was dying to write about shame… I was NOT! For one
thing, I had a 20-year old son who got embarrassed if I said two words to a
neighbor in the elevator, how could I write about shame without totally
humiliating him? But I said yes for two
reasons. 1) It would be difficult and foolish to say no to Amy because I
respect her tremendously and felt so honored that she had asked me, and 2)
because I believe there’s something to
be learned in saying yes to something you desperately want to say no to. And I
was ashamed of having shame and afraid of having to reveal it which meant there
was something to be learned. And I was
right. I learned that writing about shame has the power to free and to bond. It
frees the writer from chains and barriers that have kept them hidden and small, and bonds them to other people who share similar shame and may not have the
courage or the outlet to talk about it.
