Reach Out and Touch!

In my training and coaching, I talk a lot about nonverbal communication: body language, gestures, facial expressions and vocal tone. However, there is one we tend to overlook—physical contact.

In a New York Times article by Benedict Carey, the author notes that researchers have discovered “momentary touches...—whether an exuberant high five, a warm hand on the shoulder, or a creepy touch to the arm— can communicate an even wider range of emotion than gestures or expressions, and sometimes do so more quickly and accurately than words.”

Interesting, huh? The fact is that 40% of the population is most comfortable using a kinesthetic learning channel; which means they communicate more effectively through touch as opposed to sight or sound. Touch, the article explains, is the first language we learn. No wonder it holds so much sway! Messages communicated through touch can immediately affect the way people think and act.

“Students who received a supportive touch on the back or arm from a teacher were nearly twice as likely to volunteer in class as those who did not. A sympathetic touch from a doctor leaves people with the impression that the visit lasted twice as long, compared with estimates from people who were untouched.”

The Definitive Book of Body Language also notes that just brushing someone’s hand can create rapport and increase positive feelings and a light tap on the elbow has been found to increase a person’s chances of getting what they want by 3 fold.

Of course, in the age of sexual harassment suits, no one’s suggesting you go around caressing and embracing everyone you meet or work with. However, think about adding a light tap on the elbow, a brush on the hand, or a light pat on the back to your communication. It can make a real difference in the way people perceive you, relate to you, and respond to your requests.

Sharing Your Story - 3 Women who Embraced Their Albatross & How You Can Too

by Robyn Hatcher

As a member of New York Women in Communications (NYWICI), an organization of professional women in media and communications, I’ve attended events with incredible speakers who demonstrate the power of sharing your story.

One event was with Madonna Badger, founder and chief Creative Officer at Badger & Winters, an advertising, branding, and design agency.

Madonna began her presentation by asking for her slides to be turned off. Before she began her formal presentation, she shared how she’d been struggling emotionally with the recent death of her ex-husband. She also shared her life-altering experience of losing her parents and three daughters in a fire from which she was able to escape. You could have heard a pin drop. 

Assume and Doom! - 2 Ways Assumptions Doom your Communication.

You've heard the saying “When you assume it makes an “a**” out of “u” and ’me’." I wouldn’t quite put it like that, but I WILL tell you that when it comes to communication, whether for job interviews, elevator pitches, or presentations, many of us assume our listeners know way more than they actually do. 

In this day and age, we’ve become so afraid of giving TMI (too much information) that we often end up leaving out important details. Assumptions that get in the way of communication come in two forms: Emotional Assumptions and Logical Assumptions. Don’t let them doom your next communication.

Logical Assumption: Your listener understands what you do just because you tell them your job title:
I can’t tell you how many times working with clients on job interviews or presentations, a person will give a job title or brief description and then assume that the listener will know everything they need to know. Most of us are so intimate with the minutia that goes into what it is that we do that we make the assumption that everyone else is equally familiar with it and therefore omit important details that can help your listener truly understand what it is you do.

Some of you may be thinking, “But surely for a job interview or a presentation for my peers, the listener should have some knowledge of what I do. Why would I have to go into detail?" The operative word here is “some knowledge." Yes, people may know in theory what a title like: Financial Consultant, Marketing Director or Human Resource Manager means, BUT that doesn’t guarantee that they understand what it is that you actually do. The danger with giving too few details is that it forces your listener to dig into their memory and pull up their own assumptions. Some of those assumptions might be positive, some may be neutral, and some may be a turn off. If the last financial consultant they met helped them amass a fortune, terrific. But what if the financial consultant that comes to mind is the one that ruined their grandmother’s estate?

Emotional Assumption: You know how your listener or audience feels about a topic.
Many times in preparing for a presentation, my clients will say things like,”I know you all want” “You must be tired of…” Whenever I hear those kinds of statements a little caution light goes on and I encourage a different word choice. Why? Because most people hate being pigeon holed or having their thoughts and emotions lumped together with the thoughts and emotions of a larger group. It may be important to bring up negative assumptions that an audience may have about your topic, (it’s called getting the elephant out of the room), but it’s equally important not to categorically assume what people are thinking or feeling. Feel it out by using modal auxiliaries, (might, could, may, etc.); they’re not called “polite” forms of speech for nothing.

Download a FREE chapter of my book Standing Ovation Presentations for tips on how you can better craft your message.

Think Before You Act BUT Interrogate Your Thoughts

.3 Seconds. That’s the time it takes between having a thought and acting it.

To an Olympic athlete, .3 seconds can be the difference between a gold medal or none. To an ordinary human being, .3 seconds can be the difference between thinking a stupid thought and being fired.

What can you do in those .3 seconds? Ask yourself...why you are having that thought? What emotion are you feeling? Threatened, weak, alienated, angry? Do you want the person in front of you to respect you more, like you more, or just plain go away? Is this thought or idea that you are about to act on or speak really even your thought or is it an old societal or cultural belief that you’ve adopted?

Just asking yourself one of those questions could save you from doing or saying something you’ll regret. And if you’ve asked the right question, you may discover another way to deal with your fear or need for respect.

Olympic athletes train constantly to erase the .3 seconds that separates them from competitors or even their own record. Shouldn’t we train as diligently to make good use of the .3 seconds that separates us from doing or saying something that could potentially ruin our lives?

In the next .3 seconds ask yourself, how much better off would you or your team be if you knew how to communicate more effectively?

Let's talk. You can schedule a phone call here.

Master the Chemistry of Communication

Communication is like mixing chemicals. Sometimes it creates exciting discoveries, and sometimes it just blows up!

The chemistry class at my high school was pretty cool. Marble counters, Bunsen burners, microscopes, Petri dishes. But the most important piece of equipment in any chem lab was the goggles.

Unfortunately, we don’t have goggles to protect us from the mess our communication can cause BUT we do have other ways to protect ourselves using the Chemistry of Communication.

Imagine a communication as an empty test tube. Each person pours his or her mix of elements in. Sometimes those elements blend and we get a discovery like penicillin, a terrific marketing strategy, or the iPhone. Other times, a particular element hits the tube and the contents smoke, bubble, or explode. Why does that happen? 

To master the Chemistry of Communication you need to:

1. Recognize the goal of the communication.
2. Know the qualities of others involved.  
3. Know to mix in just the right concentration of your element.

Often communication messes can be avoided by steering clear of the following habits:

• Failure to take the temperature: Do you walk into a conversation without taking the temperature of the room? Are people tired, hungry, ready for a break, busy with something else, or emotionally triggered by a situation or event?  No matter how fabulous you think your contribution is, if people aren’t ready to hear it, things can blow up.

• Failure to Dilute: Are you coming on too strong or over-sharing, saying more than people want to or need to hear? Dumping too much data on someone is like overfilling the test tube. All of the elements spill out, and the solution is rendered useless.

• Over Diluting: Are you not assertive or are you passive aggressively withholding your opinion? Do you struggle to get to the point or clarify your message? Just remember, you might be just the element a particular formula needs. Don’t weaken your contribution.

Keep these tips in mind and contact me if you want a complementary discovery phone call with me to find out how to work on your communication chemistry.

Get a free infographic of my L.U.V.E Communication Formula.

Become the Serena of your Industry

Despite the controversy in the final match, I was awed watching Serena Williams during her journey through the US Open.  In the Quarter Finals, both Serena and Rafa Nadal found themselves unexpectedly behind and yet somehow they were able to dig into their reservoir of talent and pull up their inner winner. How do champions do that? And more importantly, how can you do that in your industry? 

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1) Champions expect to win. How many times do you go into a situation with a less than winning attitude? Or go in thinking "well, this presentation, conversation, or sale can go either way but I’m going to give it my best shot.” That is NOT a winning attitude. 

We often fear that going in expecting to win may seem cocky, arrogant, or unrealistic. If you are still believing any of those things...STOP! There is too much evidence and research in brain science world to prove you wrong. Your thoughts are powerful. Serena found a way to shake off any negative thoughts. She connected to her knowledge that winning was within her grasp. It would be helpful for you to do the same.

2) They stay in the moment. In that quarterfinal match, after she’d lost several points and had her serve broken twice, Serena looked oddly calm. She was focused on what was next, not on what had just happened. 

How much energy do you waste dwelling on past failures and disappointments? Showing up to a meeting worrying about that meeting last week when you offered a suggestion and it was overruled? Or that sales meeting your prepared so hard for that netted nada? What can you do to be more in the moment? 

3) They cultivate, embrace, and acknowledge support. Instead of hiding away from her fan base after the birth of her daughter, Serena chose to engage her fans through social media and even a documentary. After a match, Serena and many of the players mention how helpful the fan support was to their win. 

What are you doing to engage and rally the people around you who can support you when times are tough and root for you when you need that extra push? Look for and cultivate allies in your office or in your industry. Acknowledge privately and publicly when people have helped, supported, or championed you.

4) They hire and put their trust in good coaches. Any superstar athlete, leader, actor or singer knows the value of having a terrific coach that understands them, challenges them, pushes them, and believes in their greatness. So, if you really want to become the Serena of your industry, wouldn’t it make sense to find someone who will do all those things for you?  Who can help you become not just great, but a Champion? Seek out a mentor in your industry or hire a coach to help you do just that. 

For more information on my coaching programs, please visit my website.