Business Lessons Learned from Word Mole

I recently hired a business coach. Something I had resisted doing for some time. I resisted for several reasons ; I didn’t trust it was worth the money; what if the one I choose wasn’t the “right” one; and ultimately, I resisted because I felt; I SHOULD be able to do this by myself and involving someone else in my business would feel too uncomfortable and might get messy! Now I know from my many years of training (and life) that messiness and discomfort are a part of growth. Heck, I teach it myself! But it’s still a hard concept to embrace. That’s why it was enlightening to get a concrete, literal lesson from an unexpected source – a smart phone game called Word Mole.


I was standing on the restroom line to a screening recently playing a game on my Blackberry when a stranger asked me if I was playing Word Mole. I wasn’t’. She said something about being obsessed by Word Mole, a stall opened up and that was the end of the conversation. However, curious and competitive as I am, I went back to my seat and started to explore Word Mole. I had tried it before but couldn’t figure out how to get it to work. Now I was determined. I finally figured out the logistics and thus began my decent into utter frustration. For those of you who haven’t been sucked in, Word Mole is a game where you are given a “garden” full of letters and have to make as many words as you can within a certain amount of time. You get points for the words you make and of course the more letters in the word, the more points. HOWEVER, the rules state that you are supposed to use letters that are connected to each other in some way. IF you don’t use letters that are connected, a mole comes out and creates a hole in your garden where no letters can grow until you use a letter next to the mole hole. Got it? So, I diligently worked my garden creating what words I could find. It was painful. First of all, they give you precious few vowels so with time clicking away, anxiety would set in and my mind would go blank as I tried to create point rich words and still have each letter touching another. Time after time I had to settle for cheap 3 and four letter words. “ran” “That” “dig.” “Sex” was a good one cause the “X” was worth extra points. If you manage to rack up 50 points in 2 minutes you get to go to the next level But each subsequent level requires you to earn 10 more points in the same amount of time! More anxiety! With my baby words, I would sometimes make it to the next level, but seldom to the level after that. WHY? Because I was determined to play only by the strictest of the rules! The alternative, of having a mole dig a hole in my garden seemed untenable! Whenever this would happen inadvertently, I freaked out and spent gobs of extra time looking for ways that I could repair the hole. I didn’t care how much harder doing it “by the rules” was. I was determined to beat the game while creating the least amount of messiness. (Not only was I determined to do it “by the rules”, I refused to succumb to “cheating” by looking for hints or tips on line.)

Then one day I saw an opportunity to form a juicy 6 letter word . it required using a letter very much not connected to any other letters I was using – AND (Palms sweating) I DID IT! That word was worth so many points that I instantly advanced to the next level. And guess what? The sky didn’t fall! Hmmm… What did this mean? Then, desperate to finish the new harder level and advance, I again experimented with recklessly creating mole holes in my garden. Sometimes I had as many as 3 holes at a time before I could fill them up and nothing bad happened! I was advancing further and further. I actually was able to complete a “Season” and was invited to start another Season. I didn’t even know there were Seasons! So what was the lesson learned? You’ve probably figured it out.

In business and in life, we often continue to do things according to rules that we make up and enforce upon ourselves. Those rules are often rules that keep us feeling safe; rules that lessens any messiness or discomfort. We also tend to ignore the fact that playing by those rules and feeling morally superior by not “cheating” (read asking for help) can create senseless anxiety. Exactly like my experience with Word Mole. The rules never said: DO NOT CREATE HOLES. The rules merely said that creating holes caused consequences but there are ways to deal with those consequences. What I learned was that by creating those consequences, I was able to achieve better results. I’m hoping that my experience with my business coach will reinforce that lesson. And my advice to you: experiment with creating holes in your garden. Who knows what it could lead to.

You Don't Have To Be Dynamic 24/7

  In February, I had the honor of being one of the many fantastic speakers at Tory Johnson’s Spark and Hustle conference in LA. My topic: “How to Go From Shy to Dynamic: For those of you who don’t know, I was painfully shy as a child and have gone on to become a speaker, trainer, coach and crusader for improving the quality of face to face communication.

The day I was scheduled to speak at Spark and Hustle was the longest day of the conference. It started at 8 am and I was schedule to speak at 4:45. Fabulous speaker after fabulous speaker shared, inspired and educated the audience of some 200 female entrepreneurs. I sat at one of the tables with about 6 other ladies, some participants, some speakers. We chatted, shared and learned together throughout the day. Then it was time for my presentation. I opened with music - a rousing rendition of “This Little Light of Mine.” (more about that decision in another post) I hit the stage and delivered my presentation with the type of energy that was consistent with my topic; for those 20 + minutes, I was fully committed to being dynamic! The response was terrific. At the end, I had everyone on their feet claiming their space and shouting out how wonderful they were.

But what really fascinated me (and the reason I’m writing this post), was what happened when I got back to my table. My table mates were in shock! They couldn’t believe that the person who had been sitting with them for the past 9 hours, was the same person who had taken the stage! Their reaction really made me think. First, of course, I went to the “bad” place. “Wow, do I come off as incredibly boring and insecure when I’m not on stage?” Then after I talked myself down from that ledge, I thought… “How could I have and why would I have brought that same level of dynamism to my “role” of conference participant? To me, it would have been inappropriate – not to mention thoroughly exhausting!

As a matter of fact, one of the first things I mentioned in my presentation that day was that in order to go from Shy to Dynamic, we need to learn certain skills and arm ourselves with certain tools that will make us a dynamic presence when we need to be. Once we master those tools and skills, we can choose when and where to use them. Just like not every job a carpenter tackles will require a band saw, not every situation we encounter will call for the same type of presence. In short, we don’t have to be dynamic 24/7. But good communicators like good carpenters should have the best tools at their disposal. Bottom line, it’s important to learn to be dynamic… (in your own way) but it’s just as important to know when and where to bring that dynamism out!

Spark and Hustle LA.

Had a wonderful time Sharing AND Learning!
Sorry the video cuts off so abruptly. My camera ran out of battery. Hoping to get the rest of it from a friend who was taping. Thanks Lisa!! Here's what I talked about.

Claim Your Space!
60 to 80% of communication is nonverbal. Your visual and vocal message needs to be consistent with the words you are saying. If they are not, we tend to believe the visual and vocal over the verbal. How we walk, stand and sit communicates our level of confidence to the outside world BUT walking, standing and sitting in confident postures also helps us FEEL more confident. Practice taking up more space when you stand, sit, walk and gesture.

Speak With Power!
The quality tone and inflection of your voice is responsible for 38% of your message. Habits like – Up speaking, (everything a question) Drop speaking (losing energy at the end off a sentence) and Whatevering (boring sing song) weaken your message and make you sound less than confident. Learn to breathe from your diaphragm to add a deeper resonance to your voice and think about savoring your words and giving them as gifts!

Voice Your VALUE!
In addition to looking and sounding good, knowing and being comfortable communicating your Value is extremely important. What are the core character strengths and values that set you apart from your peers? Make sure those values and strengths come through loud and clear in your communication.

If you missed Spark and Hustle in LA check out the rest of the tour at http://www.sparkandhustle.com/

Interview Tips to Remember

You’ve got a big interview coming up! You’ve revamped your resume, researched the company picked out an outfit. What more can you do?

I’ve recently coached several vastly different people for interviews and in each case, the before and after were remarkable. I’d like to pass on some things they learned from our sessions.


1) Remember: Bring Your Personality
So many people feel they have to strip away their personality as soon as they don their interview clothes. Not so… Many interviewers sit in a room all day talking to job applicant after job applicant. Imagine how boring that might be. Bringing your personality to the interview is one way to be memorable.

Instead of - walking in as though you’re going to a firing squad, sitting down, folding your hands and staring at the interviewer awaiting questions.
Try - walking briskly in, (always give them a few seconds to “check you out”), sit toward the front of the chair with your chest slightly forward. * SMILE and start the conversation yourself! Comment on their office, something their wearing and yes, maybe even the weather. As long as your comment is positive and authentic, it could really serve to break the ice and make you both feel more comfortable and engaged.

*To learn more about body language, check out my nonverbal communication video series

2) Remember: It’s a Conversation not an Interrogation:
There’s a tendency for people to make interviews like one person tennis games. The interviewer serves, the interviewee gives a one sentence answer which lands with a thud on the other side of the net forcing the interviewer to bend down, pick up the ball and serve again. That gets a little tiring and would be really boring to play or watch.

Instead of - answering the interviewer’s question with the answer, the whole answer and nothing but the answer.
Try - giving the answer and then bridging your answer to a topic that highlights your strengths.

Example:
Q. What social media sites do you feel are essential?
A. I really like working with twitter, facebook, linkedin, digg and several other of the popular sites. (Fine answer but don’t stop there!) I also work with a lot of the applications that simplify and aggregate content because I like to be as efficient and effective as possible. At my last job, I was able to increase the companies’ unique users by 40% in three months. (PAUSE - If there’s no sign that the interviewer wants to interrupt, add) - I know that this company prides itself on being transparent and I’d love to apply my skills toward your social media marketing. (I know this example might sound bogus to real social media folks but I hope you get the picture.)

Of course, you also need to be aware of talking TOO much! (I'll talk about that some other time)

3) Remember: They Really Want you to be Right for the Job:
When you send out hundreds of resumes and lose out on interview after interview, it’s very normal to get negative, discouraged and bitter. Trust me, I know. As an actor I probably got less than 1% of the roles I auditioned for. However, it’s very important not to bring that bitterness into the interview. One piece of advice that really resonated with a current client was something casting directors always say: They really want you to be good! Think of how much easier their job would be if they found the perfect candidate without a lot of hassle. Although it may not seem that way, it really is not in their best interest to call you in just to waste both of your time.

Instead of: Answering questions in a monotone voice that sounds like you’ve said the same thing a million times. (My clients were particularly struck by how their voices and vocal tone came across on video)
Try: Infusing your voice with energy and passion. Letting them know that you love what you do and can’t wait to do it for them.

Instead of: Getting defensive when they ask you about your experience.
Try: Feeling proud of everything you’ve done and grateful for the opportunity to share information that is going to prove how right you are for this position.

And remember you’re sizing them up too. Is this really a place you want to be for the next few years, few months or even few minutes? Remember to ask questions and check out their body language, strengths and personality.

For more tips and answers, leave me a comment here or on facebook or listen to my interview on Blogtalkradio

Happy Interviewing!

Why Obama Needs Me as a Speech Coach!

After seeing the movie “The King’s Speech”, I was inspired to finally write something I’ve been wanting to write for several months. I want to coach President Obama on his speeches! President Obama is a great speaker. There’s no denying that. It’s partly why he is where he is today. So what the heck am I talking about? What could I do to improve on greatness? First of all, the oratory style that effectively swayed voters is not the same oratory style that he is using now. And even if it were, that style has its limitations. I know President Obama is extremely intelligent and I believe in his ideals and his leadership. But ever since he’s taken office, I’ve been dying to work with him on some of his oratory habits. Tiny habits that I believe make him less effective as a leader. Here are three things I would work with him on:

1) Cadence: A lot of people have trouble finding musicality in their voices and end up sounding monotone most of the time. Obama does not have that problem. He has plenty of musicality; however, it’s as if he keeps singing the same line of the same song over and over. Obama’s cadence is very predictable. When as listeners we hear the same cadence and rhythm over and over, it sounds like the speaker is being disingenuous and further more it’s hard for us to get a grasp on what he really wants to emphasize. (I’d also work on his whistling “s”)

What I would do: I would give him passionate speeches to read, record them and force him out of his normal rhythm. I would help him savor every word; Make him visualize and feel every word he was saying instead of thinking and intellectualizing them.

2) Facial Expression: For most of my clients, smiling is a challenge. I have to constantly remind them to, ever so often, turn up the corners of their mouth! Smiling is known to increase likeability and to engender trust but too much smiling can make you look like a fool or a snob. President Obama, has the “problem” of having a mouth that even in repose seems to look like it’s smiling. For a president, this is a detriment. When people are angry, depressed and fearful, they do not want to feel as though their president is not taking them seriously.

What I would do: I would work on all of Obama’s other features to have them express deeper emotion. I would show him how the way he tightens his lips after every sentence can accentuate the upturned corners of his mouth turn it into a smug smile. I would teach him how to communicate with his eyes and his brow line. I would help him to see that he tends to tilt his head as he speaks which is not nearly as powerful as if he were to keep it straight.

3) Posture: Standing and sitting up straight is something our mother’s and teacher’s constantly drilled into us. But sometimes that advice can backfire. Standing and sitting bone straight often makes people look stiff and aloof. These are two qualities that Americans don’t seem to appreciate in their leaders. We want leaders to be powerful AND approachable.

What I would do: I’m not suggesting Obama learn how to slump but I would encourage him, whenever appropriate to lean forward a little more. Having your heart center exposed and leaning toward the person (or camera) you’re talking to, makes your listener feel more engaged. So I’d have our president stand more on the balls of his feet and sit with his heart center coming forward and use arm gestures that emanate from his elbow with upward sweeping motions.

So please, if you happen to be speaking to the president or any of his people, can you tell him where to find me? If the King of England could hire and rely on a former actor who intuitively knew and then trained in how to help people improve their speech, surely the President of the United States could do the same. I’m ready, willing and able. It’s the least I could do for my country!

Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com

Love this! Please watch!
Brene Brown: The power of vulnerability Video on TED.com

How to Shine

In order to truly shine, you need to get in touch with and celebrate what’s special about you.

 

When I work with people on interview skills and other communication skills, I usually start off by asking them to tell me about their strengths. Many people can't separate their core strengths from their job skills. And many others have never truly thought about the question. So many of us focus on the negative qualities we possess we become blind to all of our positive traits. When you get in touch with your positive qualities and infuse those qualities into everything you do - the way you walk, stand, dress and talk - not only will people will begin to take notice, but you will feel more authentic, vital and confident.

 

6 Steps to Bringing Out the Best in You! 

1. Survey Yourself! I highly recommend taking the VIAcharacter survery at http://www.viacharacter.org./ It ‘s a free survey developed by a team of well noted psychologists (including Martin Seligman) who are behind the study of Positive Psychology and The Happiness Project. This survey will identify your top five character strengths out of a list of 24 strengths. (my top 5 are creativity, spirituality, wisdom, social intelligence and leadership.)
2. Create Stories! Once you’ve identified your strengths by either deep soul searching, asking friends or associates or taking the VIA survey, start thinking of stories in your life that illustrate those strengths. How did you use your strength to bring about a change? How do you use your strengths on a daily bases? Use these stories as a basis for your elevator pitch or job interview responses.
3. Express yourself! Take a dance class, acting or improvisation class, sing Karaoke, paint, draw, sculpt, write! Whenever we do something creative (even if creativity isn’t one of our top strengths) one of our signature strengths will jump out to guide us through it – if we let it. You don’t have to worry about doing these things “right” you’re doing them to further get in touch with and express your signature strengths.
4. Speak your strengths. What people react to most in a person’s individual communication style is consistency; does the way you look and sound match the words you are using. Adopt vocabulary and nonverbal skills that reflect your top strengths: If “hope” comes up big for you, try using phrases like “I hope to see you soon,” “I have high hopes for this project.” Be sure your voice has lightness to it and your body language is open.
5. Dress your strengths. Probably since creativity is high on my list, I personally have an enormous wardrobe. I try to create a style that reflects the strength I’m going to utilize on any particular day. I'm not suggesting running out and buying lots of close, just be mindful that your clothes usually speak first so make sure they communicate a quality you'd like to lead with.
6. Appreciate your strengths. Everyday express gratitude for the special combination of strengths you’ve been given. At the end of the day, write down what you're thankful for and which of your strengths pulled you through any challenge or activity that you succeeded at.

 

Follow these steps and I guarantee you will not only learn to shine but be a lot happier doing it.