Assume and Doom! - 2 Ways Assumptions Doom your Communication.

You've heard the saying “When you assume it makes an “a**” out of “u” and ’me’." I wouldn’t quite put it like that, but I WILL tell you that when it comes to communication, whether for job interviews, elevator pitches, or presentations, many of us assume our listeners know way more than they actually do. 

In this day and age, we’ve become so afraid of giving TMI (too much information) that we often end up leaving out important details. Assumptions that get in the way of communication come in two forms: Emotional Assumptions and Logical Assumptions. Don’t let them doom your next communication.

Logical Assumption: Your listener understands what you do just because you tell them your job title:
I can’t tell you how many times working with clients on job interviews or presentations, a person will give a job title or brief description and then assume that the listener will know everything they need to know. Most of us are so intimate with the minutia that goes into what it is that we do that we make the assumption that everyone else is equally familiar with it and therefore omit important details that can help your listener truly understand what it is you do.

Some of you may be thinking, “But surely for a job interview or a presentation for my peers, the listener should have some knowledge of what I do. Why would I have to go into detail?" The operative word here is “some knowledge." Yes, people may know in theory what a title like: Financial Consultant, Marketing Director or Human Resource Manager means, BUT that doesn’t guarantee that they understand what it is that you actually do. The danger with giving too few details is that it forces your listener to dig into their memory and pull up their own assumptions. Some of those assumptions might be positive, some may be neutral, and some may be a turn off. If the last financial consultant they met helped them amass a fortune, terrific. But what if the financial consultant that comes to mind is the one that ruined their grandmother’s estate?

Emotional Assumption: You know how your listener or audience feels about a topic.
Many times in preparing for a presentation, my clients will say things like,”I know you all want” “You must be tired of…” Whenever I hear those kinds of statements a little caution light goes on and I encourage a different word choice. Why? Because most people hate being pigeon holed or having their thoughts and emotions lumped together with the thoughts and emotions of a larger group. It may be important to bring up negative assumptions that an audience may have about your topic, (it’s called getting the elephant out of the room), but it’s equally important not to categorically assume what people are thinking or feeling. Feel it out by using modal auxiliaries, (might, could, may, etc.); they’re not called “polite” forms of speech for nothing.

Download a FREE chapter of my book Standing Ovation Presentations for tips on how you can better craft your message.

Five Communication Disconnects & How to Solve Them

 

The art of communication is the language of leadership. James C. Humes

No question about it, communication is an art. No matter how skilled or knowledgeable you are, if your communication skills are subpar, your leadership and management skills will be too.

Communication encompasses a broad spectrum: there's email, memos, reports, phone, video conferencing and what I'd like to focus on here, the old-fashioned face-to-face.

I work with many individuals who are brilliant at what they do but become baffled by the fact that their direct reports don't understand them or that their superiors are not recognizing them for promotions.

Here are five of the most common communication disconnects I see in the individuals I coach.

 1)      Muddled Messages:

Time is money and most people don't like to waste time sifting through an avalanche of words to figure out what you are really trying to say. I always tell my clients to figure out their bottom line in any important communication. For any message you need to relay, ask yourself this question: “If my listener remembers just one thing, what do I want them to remember.” That “one thing” is your bottom line or core message.  You can then shape the rest of the communication around that bottom line. (I suggest using a mind map) It also helps to use specific language in your communication to reinforce your message. For example

Y Txtng is NOT Communicating!

Sending text messages and emails are extremely helpful if you are quickly arranging social plans or catching up with an old friend.  They are fast, simple, and to the point.  In turn, they allow you to convey a straightforward message without all the small talk that comes with a face-to-face conversation.  However, while replacing verbal communication with texting and emailing, we are losing so much in the process. 

Between 80 and 90% of our communication is supported by nonverbal cues. Meaning, when we have a verbal dialogue with someone, a large portion of the impression that we make is based on body language, facial expression, intonation, and rate of speech.  We decide whether the other person is being sarcastic or humorous by analyzing their pitch and speech pattern.  Furthermore, we use these factors to decide whether or not we will trust the person we are speaking to.  Where is the presence of these elements when we text message and email?

I'm the Manager...Why won't they listen to me?

by Narmeen Iqbal and Robyn Hatcher

Since, I (Narmeen) am going to business school in January I thought it will be great idea to write a blog about effective communication skills as a future manager.

Communications skills are extremely important in any role in our lives whether it is as personal or professional level. Effective communication skills are essential for being a good manager. Within communications there are many sub-categories but I will focus on the category of oral communication with employees. The most important role for a manger is the ability to get his or her point across effectively.

Here are 3 tips to help managers achieve that:

Communication Itch

How many times do you sit at a meeting, have dinner with a friend or are on the other end of the phone with someone and feel as though you are sitting on what you REALLY want to say? I’m sure we have all done this to some extent. In today’s blog post, my intern Narmeen Iqbal, talks about how she dealt with this situation which she calls the “Communication Itch”

Surely, all relationship experts agree that communication is the key to a happy, healthy and long lasting relationship. Though I can’t help wondering how many of us actually use this powerful tool to transform our relationships.

I once suffered from what I would like to call a, “communication itch” meaning that I wanted to express my true inner feelings in some way but I always found non-constructive ways of going about it. For example, one of my best friends frequently would call me or wanted to see me whenever she needed help with something but never to ask about my wellbeing, for a while I let this behavior slide by thinking that she might realize it on her own. As time passed by I started to distance myself thinking that there is no point telling her that I feel used by her. One day she asked me if I wanted to hang out and I agreed, however, I didn’t make an effort to talk much. Basically, I was giving her the silent treatment thinking that I was punishing her for using me for her own purposes. This went on for quite some time.

Is Your BULLY- Button Showing?

4 Strategies to Neutralize a Bully

October is anti-bullying month and I know we’ll be hearing and reading about bullying in all forms. As a business communication skills expert, I’d like to look at how bullying shows up in the work place and among “friends” and colleagues and share some tools that might help fend off the bully in your midst.

It Stands to Reason

I just read an article in the November 9, Newsweek about the difference in cognitive growth, (basic language and speaking skills) of children whose parents reason with them and those whose parents command them. WOW!! I've been talking about these differences for quite awhile. When I work with supervisors in some of my leadership communication training. I often get the question: "Why can't I just tell them what to do? It's their job and I'm their boss." I usually tell them that of course they can demand obedience from their subordinate staff members but that it will come at a price. Usually the price is bad attitude; lack of motivation; unconscious or conscious sabotage; high turnover; increase in sick days; and the list goes on. Of course, some supervisors have the luxury of firing workers who exhibit those habits. But then, many employees these days are so protected by their unions that firing is not an option. This of course could lead to a conversation about how the unions have employers by the short hairs. But maybe it should lead to a conversation about how to develop leaders to adopt are more reasonable (compassionate) style of communication. Instead of demanding, ordering or even instructing something be done, why not try explaining the reasoning and the need behind it. It may on the surface look like it will take more time, but in actuality, it may save time, energy, stress, hard feelings, disciplinary warnings and pink slips. This of course does NOT mean to become a doormat and allow the employee to run the show by debating all of your requests. It simply means giving the employee sound reasoning behind your decisions. If the employee still wants to buck a request which you believe will improve your work place, bottom line or organization, then it's time to dust off the disciplinary code book. There are still many employees (and children) who have no problem doing just what they are told but I believe that these individuals might be happier and more productive if they were treated as though their imput and opinions mattered.

Communicating Across Differences

The other day I saw an amazing communication on the NYC Subway. I was headed uptown. The train was crowded enough that I had to stand, but not the suffocating type of crowded that makes you question your sanity. A very tall African American man started walking through the car. Let me pause to let everyone know that I am African American. Anyway, this tall gentleman had the distinct body language of someone who wanted some kind of interaction/altercation. And for those of you who may question this observation, don't. I'm really good at body language and don't make these assumption lightly. As this same man passed by me, my umbrella touched him and he jerked around to stare. I, being the well seasoned New Yorker, did not make eye-contact and I felt him decide that he wasn't going to pursue that particular altercation possibility. As he walked by, I eyed him carefully, wondering, dreading, who he was going to "mess with” cause I and everyone else in the car knew, he wanted to "mess with” someone. Most of the other riders in the car, did what I had done earlier and focused their eyes anywhere but in his direction. All except one. A slightly vertically challenged Caucasian guy stood balanced in front of the subway car door facing in. The black guy stopped and stood directly in front of him. Facing him, staring at him. If the white guy looked down, he'd be staring at the man's crotch. If he tried to look any other place, it would be far too obvious that he was avoiding eye-contact and that would smack of fear and vulnerability. I sucked in my breath. I dreaded what might happen next. BUT, before the black guy could say anything or send out too many hostile vibes, the white guy, noticing the black guy's cap said: "Bronco's fan?" And what do you suppose the black guy did? He began to grin from ear to ear. He raised his arms, and did a little dance around the car. The riders who'd been avoiding eye contact, started to look up and smile. He let out a whoop about the Broncos and he and the white guy engaged in a passionate discussion about football, Denver and the recent game. The subway reached its next stop, the black guy got off but not before giving the white guy a high five and parting advice about his team. I felt like I had witnessed one of the most compelling demonstrations of the basic idea behind Nonviolent Communication. (NVC)(NVC) believes that people take action based on universal human needs. Sometimes these needs lead to positive actions, sometimes they lead to negative actions but the person is just trying to get a basic need met and will use any strategy available. I feel like this African American man had the need for connection. He wanted to connect to another human being badly. One strategy he was used to using was intimidation but that day, on that subway, a very confident, compassionate (or perhaps naïve) individual offered him another way to connect by offering him conversation about a shared interest.

The white guy and I got off at the same stop. I hadn’t realized it, but his girlfriend had been in the same subway car seated across from him. They got off chatting as though nothing unusual had occurred. I wanted to say something. Ask him how conscious the decision he made had been? Let him know how impressed I was with his ability to deflect a potentially uncomfortable encounter into a conversation. But I didn't. I didn't want to draw attention to something that had seemed so natural to him. I just hope that I can remember and learn from that example.