Ask, Don't Tell Leadership

"The wise man doesn't give us the right answers, he poses the right questions." Claude Levi-Strauss

For years I've been leading a four-session training course, covering communication styles, giving and receiving feedback, time-management and people management, aimed at helping newly appointed leaders in a government agency develop effective leadership skills. 

In one session, participants mentioned how often direct reports come to them in crises wanting to be told what to do. The decisions made are sometimes life and death. So when direct reports came to the new leaders for help, they usually told them what to do and in some cases did it for them. Even though doing so was frustrating and distracting, the new leaders felt that “helping” their direct reports saved time and avoided trouble. But does it really? Or does it create dependent workers who don't learn to think for themselves and don't learn to trust their own decisions?

Do You Suffer from Imposter Syndrome? 4 Tips for Overcoming It.

Two years ago the phrase “Fake it til you make it” set something off in me. I heard the phrase many times and it always bugged me. All of a sudden I knew why. Who on earth wants to think of themselves as a fake? Who wants to do business with a fake? 

I immediately came up with a replacement expression: Own it While You Hone it.  This phrase acknowledges that you have skill and talent, you just might not have stepped into it yet.

In "Your Brain and Business: The Neuroscience of Great Leaders" (FT Press, 2011), Dr. Srinivasan Pillay talks about the Imposter Syndrome that happens to some (I suspect MOST) successful people.

Are You Trying Too hard? Learn the Art of Wu Wei - Effortless Action

Ever watch a presentation or have a conversation and come away feeling like the person was trying way too hard? 

I take a lot of exercise classes at my gym. Recently, we have had a few new teachers sub or introduce new classes. A week ago, I took a new dance based class with a new fitness instructor and found myself NOT enjoying it at all! I felt like I had a perpetual inner scowl and I couldn’t figure out why. I love to dance! I started blaming myself. “Am I just being pissy because the teacher I wanted to be here wasn’t here?” “Am I being ageist”(She was young and I’m not) “Am I being arrogant cause I think I’m such a hot dancer?” or ”Do I just hate and resist anything new?” All of the above could have been true, but midway through the class, the communication skills coach in me wanted to figure out what other dynamic might be playing out here. Maybe it wasn’t all me.

I reflected back on the fact that a few weeks ago, I’d taken the same class with a new teacher and loved her within two seconds. So instead of judging my feelings, I began to question where they might be coming from. As I watched the teacher smiling broadly and trying to encourage us to smile and pose and enjoy ourselves, I realized that she was trying too hard. She was trying to “make” us enjoy what we were doing instead of enjoying it herself and trusting that because she enjoys it, that enjoyment will infect us. Afterward, I spoke to a gym buddy who had also taken the class and she had concluded the same thing.

I decided to write a blog post about the difference between trying too hard and “just being” and then… low and behold, the next day, a friend of mine (I hadn’t spoken to her about this at all) happened to mention an article she’d read in the New York Times that she thought I would find interesting. It was called - A Meditation on the Art of Not Trying (John Tierney, 12/15/2014) and it specifically addresses what I had concluded! Amazing! So instead of having to write this whole post from scratch, I get to use Mr. Tierney’s article to support my ideas! Thanks John wherever you are!

Five Communication Disconnects & How to Solve Them

 

The art of communication is the language of leadership. James C. Humes

No question about it, communication is an art. No matter how skilled or knowledgeable you are, if your communication skills are subpar, your leadership and management skills will be too.

Communication encompasses a broad spectrum: there's email, memos, reports, phone, video conferencing and what I'd like to focus on here, the old-fashioned face-to-face.

I work with many individuals who are brilliant at what they do but become baffled by the fact that their direct reports don't understand them or that their superiors are not recognizing them for promotions.

Here are five of the most common communication disconnects I see in the individuals I coach.

 1)      Muddled Messages:

Time is money and most people don't like to waste time sifting through an avalanche of words to figure out what you are really trying to say. I always tell my clients to figure out their bottom line in any important communication. For any message you need to relay, ask yourself this question: “If my listener remembers just one thing, what do I want them to remember.” That “one thing” is your bottom line or core message.  You can then shape the rest of the communication around that bottom line. (I suggest using a mind map) It also helps to use specific language in your communication to reinforce your message. For example