PROOF: It's Never Too Late to Change!

Is there a change you've been resisting?

I’ve had some proud moments in my life - after all I have a son who was a Yale student athlete drafted by the Cincinnati Reds - but my most recent session with a client is right up there among one of my proudest moments.

A firm in the financial industry engaged me two years ago to give a presentation for their staff and to work one on one with some of their employees on communication skills.  They are a successful firm that handles billion dollar accounts. However, it was founded several years ago with a crunchy granola, mom and pop type sensibility. As they’ve gotten more and more successful, they have seen the need to up level all of their skills - communication being one of them. I did a group Communication Elevation workshop and one-on-one executive coaching sessions with several of their employees and was able to implement some immediate changes. However, one of the tasks I was given was extremely challenging and at times I thought it was going to be impossible.

I was asked to coach one of their senior employees, I’ll call him Alex. Alex is very bright and knowledgeable about the business. However, he has a regional accent with some related grammar issues. In addition, he tends to be what I call a “chain talker”- someone who rarely comes up for air and therefore dumps way too much information on unsuspecting listeners. I knew that I could give him tips and techniques to deal with his chain talking but the accent and grammar issues seemed daunting. After all, this was a 40-something year-old successful businessman and the issues mostly only surfaced when he was under stress. Fortunately, Alex was not someone who denied he had these issues. He was very receptive to feedback. But that doesn’t mean the normal resistance to change didn’t crop up. 

What I Wish I Learned in College

by Sarah Solomon,

Robyn Hatcher leading workshop at Asian Women in Business

My name is Sarah Solomon and I am Robyn Hatcher’s new assistant/marketing intern. I graduated from Baruch College last year with a degree in Marketing and have been with SpeakEtc. since October 2012. Mostly what I do is manage all of the social media marketing that takes place. I now also assist Robyn at some of her speaking events. A few weeks ago I sat in on one of Robyn’s presentations for the first time. I was so amazed at how much I enjoyed the event that I decided to share my experience with you all.

Recently, Robyn was asked to speak at Columbia University to the Organizational Psychology Professional Development Group, a group of young individuals studying to become future Human Resources professionals and trainers, about the “Rules of Engagement.” Robyn spoke about ways to make presentations more engaging and effective and gave useful tips on how to answer difficult questions, involve the audience and use gestures successfully. By the end, I was not only surprised at how entertaining and informative it was but I found myself strangely wanting more! Which has NEVER happened to me at any presentation I have been to in the past.

As a recent college graduate, I have sat through my fair share of speaking events and can honestly say that I am not a huge fan of them. Mainly because majority of the presentations that I have been to lacked personality, which made them seem like they would last forever. What I loved most about Robyn’s presentation was how she managed to keep everyone focused and entertained at the same time. I came into the event not as Robyn’s intern, but instead put myself back in the mindset of a college student who needed help with how she presented in class. Some of the tips she gave out were things I have never heard before and about half way through the workshop I began wondering “why didn’t I know about all of this sooner?”  Simple things such as gesturing from your elbows down, keeping your hands open and facing up and how to answer a difficult question that you do not know the answer to, were all tricks I now wish I had known during my college career.

For me, the highlight of the night was when Robyn spoke about “WIIFT” (What’s In It For Them).  “WIIFT” is about appealing to your audience as soon as you begin presenting. It is more about connecting with the audience emotionally and letting them know how what you are about to say is relevant and necessary to them. I realized this is something a lot of us forget to do when we present. We become so wrapped up in all the facts and making sure we touch all the important points that we forget about how the audience feels while listening to us. I know for a fact that if a speaker dives right into his speech without making any form of a connection with me, I will begin to start tuning him out immediately and only listen for the important parts.

Robyn’s phrase “Stop presenting, start engaging” should become the #1 rule for all public speaking situations. Whether it is a class presentation or a speech in front of 10,000 people, you have to make your audience WANT to listen to what you have to say. The only way to do this is to connect with them emotionally. The tips Robyn spoke about are definitely things I will use in the future and I am positive everyone that was in that room that night will too. 

Confidence Rx - Give Your Confidence a Boost

10 Ways to Give Your Confidence a Shot in the Arm

Recently I had the honor of having one of my Articles published on About.com. I'm sharing it below. Enjoy! Take my advice and call me in the morning.

We've all heard the expression "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." But did you know it can take up to 12 visits to undo a negative first impression? Whether you're trying to impress an employer, a client, a prospect or a first date, it's important to project confidence and presence.

Both confidence and presence are communicated from the inside out and the outside in. So it's important to learn how to project confidence from the outside – through your body language and vocal tone and from the inside – by discovering and celebrating your signature strengths (the strengths that make you special.)

Here are 5 inner and 5 outer ways to ramp up your confidence and presence.

For Inner Confidence:

1. Do a thorough self-examination. Many of us have trouble separating our strengths from our job descriptions and if we don't have a "real job" we have a very hard time owning the qualities that make us special. Here's one way to help you uncover your signature strengths:
• On a piece of paper, brainstorm a list of all the jobs you've ever had including volunteer positions, motherhood and life partnering. Add to that list any activity you've ever participated in: chess, athletics, debate, gardening. Then add any committees, boards or clubs you've been a member or officer of – ie. church group, PTA, community organization. (FYI.  I honed the majority of my leadership skills as PTA president and as a leader in a religious organization.)
• Then take another piece of paper and list all the strengths and skills you had to use or learn in the jobs or activities on your list. This can include qualities you used during challenges as well as triumphs. Do you rely on your creativity, your honesty, humor, optimism, analytic skills? (If this is hard for you to do on your own, enlist a trusted friend or a circle of friends to give you a list of three positive qualities that they see in you.)
• Are there qualities you wish you had that haven't made the list? Write those down too
• 2. Invest in yourself – To polish any skills that need strengthening or to help develop any quality or skill you would like to add, find a coach, trainer, class, or workshop that can help you cultivate or elevate those skills. Most women are terrific at supporting and encouraging others, but will resist investing time or money on supporting and encouraging their own growth. Know that it's never too late to learn or improve on a skill or strength. And also know that you're worth the investment. If coaching or training is not your thing, take a dance, acting or improvisation class, sing Karaoke, paint, draw, sculpt, write! Research shows that when we do something creative (even if creativity isn't one of our top strengths) one of our dominant strengths will jump out to guide us through. Don't worry about being perfect, these new activities will help you bring out and express your signature strengths.
• For the other 8 remedies click here.

Rules of Engagement

With fall comes many more opportunities to network! 

What picture just came into your mind when you read that?  Did you picture walking around a room with a handful of business cards and stopping every 4 or 5 minutes to give your elevator pitch to a perfect stranger? 

DELETE THAT PICTURE!

99.9% of all of my business comes from networking. But the type of networking that leads to business for me is this: walking into a room, feeling confident and happy to be there; approaching and/or being approached by an individual and engaging that individual in a conversation. Of course I will talk about my business at some point but I will concentrate on being engaging, interesting and interested in my listener first. If there is an opportunity for them to land me business it will reveal itself (or not) Sometimes that doesn't happen till months, years later. I recently landed business based on a recommendation from someone who I don't even remember having met! 

Here are a few of my Rules of Engagement for Networking:

1. Start with Rapport Building: When you approach a stranger at an event, the first thing you want to do is create rapport. You can create rapport nonverbally, by replicating (not out and out mimicking) the gestures, facial expressions, stance, vocal tone or breathing of the other person. (for more detailed tips watch my video on nonverbal communication) Or you can create rapport verbally,  by asking an open-ended , non business related question or making a POSITIVE & AUTHENTIC comment about the event or the other person. 
2. Excite don't Recite:  Inevitably the question, "And what do you do" will come up. Many of us will then shift our posture, change our vocal tone and launch into a stiff recitation of our job or service which is usually about as exciting as a recitation of the phone book. Instead, use one of the four attention getting techniques I recommend in my Put Your Best Pitch Forward white paper, then share what it is you do in the same engaging style as you would use with a close friend.
3. Think DEF instead of ABC: David Mamet in his play turned film, Glengarry Glenross, made famous the phrase; Always BeClosing (ABC). I prefer the phrase; Discuss Engaging in the Future (DEF). I have never closed a deal at the end of a networking conversation, have you? It's the future engagement that leads to business.

If you want to learn more networking tips, check out some of my other blog posts on networking.

The Shame That Bonds

My son Nolan and me in Billings, Montana 

When my friend Amy Ferris asked me to contribute to an anthology about shame, (Dancing at the Shame Prom, Seal Press) I hesitated for a moment and then said “Sure, I’d love to”. Not because I was dying to write about shame… I was NOT! For one thing, I had a 20-year old son who got embarrassed if I said two words to a neighbor in the elevator, how could I write about shame without totally humiliating him?  But I said yes for two reasons. 1) It would be difficult and foolish to say no to Amy because I respect her tremendously and felt so honored that she had asked me, and 2) because I  believe there’s something to be learned in saying yes to something you desperately want to say no to. And I was ashamed of having shame and afraid of having to reveal it which meant there was something to be learned.  And I was right. I learned that writing about shame has the power to free and to bond. It frees the writer from chains and barriers that have kept them hidden and small, and bonds them to other people who share similar shame and may not have the courage or the outlet to talk about it.

Be Pitch Perfect

In New York City, business professionals can go to a different networking event every night of the week. We’re all there to “pitch” ourselves, our products and/or our services. It’s a terrific way to meet prospective clients, leads and contacts. But how many of us take the time to hone our pitching skills? 

My son is a baseball pitcher. He played baseball for the Ivy League and last summer got drafted by the MLB by the Cincinnati Reds. In addition to his team coaches, he sees a pitching coach regularly to improve his conditioning, develop his muscles, and more importantly, to develop his muscle memory. His pitching coach makes him go through the motions of his delivery over and over again.  Once my son masters a particular motion for a particular pitch, he adds a new pitch to his repertoire.

“Sales Pitch”, “Elevator Pitch” “30-second Pitch” It’s no coincidence that the word “pitch” is used to describe selling yourself or your product. Sales pitching like baseball pitching, is a talent not to be underestimated.

For those of you who know baseball, you know that there are many pitches to choose from. The pitch you choose to use in a game depends a lot on the batter you’re facing. Most pitchers learn to throw a fastball first. It’s the easiest to learn, the most effective and the foundation for all other pitches. If you’ve got a terrific fast ball, you can probably end up striking out a good percentage of the batters you face.

Most of us learn the equivalent of the fast ball when we learn to pitch ourselves or our products. It’s direct, quick and usually “gets over the plate”. But like good baseball players, our listeners have gotten used to the “fastball” pitch and it often loses some of its effectiveness. That’s why it’s important to learn to read your (client/listener) and add new pitches to your pitching repertoire. Here is a brief description of three different pitches and how and when you might use them.

FASTBALL – In baseball it is the most common pitch used. It relies on its speed and sometimes its movement to fool the batter into swinging and missing.

·         A Fastball sales pitch is your typical straightforward pitch. It’s great to use at job interviews and sales meetings.

·         It tells your listener - who you are, what you do, why you’re great/unique at what you do and asks them to take action.

·         Like baseball’s fastball pitch, it’s very serviceable and everyone should have one under their belt.

CHANGE UP – in baseball this is slower than the fastball and therefore unexpected. The batter thinks it’s a fastball and swings either too early, or too late.

·         A Changeup sales pitch is a pitch that might take a little more time. The change up is a great choice if you sense your listener is leery of being railroaded. 

·         To create a Changeup:  instead of jumping into a typical, “Hi my name is….” structure, begin with an attention getting technique like a question or interesting fact. This has the effect of slowing down the pace of the pitch. And it’s a great way to engage your listener and encourage them to take a swing.

CURVE BALL (a form of Breaking Ball) – The curveball or breaking ball in baseball is a pitch that changes direction on its way to the batter. Instead of going straight like the fast ball, it curves up or down or side to side.

·         A lot of times in presenting ourselves we may start with a fastball or a change up and suddenly our listener gives us a visual or verbal cue that they are not engaged. Throw them a curve.

·         Change your vocal tone, pitch or volume use humor, tell a story or give an example. Or better yet, start asking about them, their business or their needs. This unexpected turn will bring the listener’s attention back and may just help you close the sale.

The pitcher in professional baseball is arguably the most important player in the game. Similarly, skilled sales pitching is one of the most important parts of your business. Like a dedicated baseball pitcher, it’s important to learn new pitches and to practice the delivery of all your pitches.  

I just coached someone for 1 session and she ended up winning FIRST PLACE in an elevator pitch contest. Let me know if I can help you.

READ MY HANDS...

Closed Hand Pointing Gesture

What's Gestures Got to Do With it? 

I confess, I hate watching politics on TV! I know as a communication coach, one of the things I should be doing is watching all these politicians and critiquing what I see so all can learn from it. Unfortunately, watching most speeches, even from people I support, makes my skin crawl. Mostly because they speak at the people rather than to the people. They present a speech rather than engage an audience. However, I did watch Michelle's speech last night (which was Pitch PERFECT!!!) and I did see parts of Ann Romney speech last week and something very interesting jumped out at me - the stark contrast in their use of gestures and vocal tone.  Whereas Michelle used a warm, lower pitched compassionate tone, Ann used the higher pitch, shriller scolding tone.

Finger Pointing Gesture