From Shy to Shining!

I recently had someone ask me on twitter: "How did you get from Shy to shining?"

I decided to answer that question on my blog so I could easily share it with everyone. Below is an excerpt from the introduction to my soon to be published BOOK which answers this question. Of course overcoming any ingrained habit is a life long challenge but there are ways to do it.

So... how did I go from shy to shining"  I made a very deliberate choice.  Somehow I knew that I did not want to continue being type cast as the shy background player in the movie of my life. I yearned to step out of that role. It was suffocating me but I didn’t feel capable of being anyone else. Shai was familiar, she was comfortable, she was well liked, respected even, but she was driving me crazy!  If you are reading this book, chances are there is a quality or habit that you feel locked into that you would like to release. That’s just how I felt.  So, I made a choice. The deliberate choice I made to step out of my shyness wasn’t premeditated but as soon as I made it, I knew it was right. 

Blank, Blocked or Too Scared to Share!

I knew I wanted to do a blog post but nothing was jumping out at me. (I also stubbornly refused to look at the list of possible topics I had written months ago- go figure!) Instead I sent out a tweet about staring at a blank page. I very quickly got a reply from @systematizeme. “Blank page… many fear a blank mind when preparing to speak… I think you are off to a great post” and of course that got me thinking.  (Thank You Latosha!) What is it that stops us from speaking, writing, and sometimes even thinking what’s in our hearts or on our minds? Are we really blocked or are we just too scared to express ourselves?

Afraid of Public Speaking?

by Linda Rosenblum

Public speaking scares me more than almost anything in this world.  Standing in front of a room filled with people staring at me with blank eyes while I stammer on about a random topic literally makes me want to crawl in a hole and never come out.  I fear their deadpan expressions; I fear their equivocal silence.  But most importantly, I fear their judgment.  My anxiety lies in a panic that my listeners are having negative thoughts about me.  However, I know that this fear is irrational and that public speaking is completely unavoidable.  Additionally, I realize that having good verbal communication skills is absolutely essential to succeeding in the professional world.  Therefore, I looked towards Robyn's teachings for advice in order to create a better presence for myself in front of an audience.  By implementing these simple techniques, I find it much easier to speak in public settings.

Playing in the Big League is Hard Work!

This has been a very exciting, challenging and anxiety producing Spring and Summer for my family. My son had an American Dream come true. He was drafted in the 11th round by the CincinnatiReds and became a professional baseball player.

But when dreams come true, you suddenly realize that that dream is not an end, but another beginning.

I hope you are all dreaming big and that you are at the same time preparing yourself to take on the new challenges that come when your big dream comes true.

I want to share two lessons I learned from my son’s experience. 

Y Txtng is NOT Communicating!

Sending text messages and emails are extremely helpful if you are quickly arranging social plans or catching up with an old friend.  They are fast, simple, and to the point.  In turn, they allow you to convey a straightforward message without all the small talk that comes with a face-to-face conversation.  However, while replacing verbal communication with texting and emailing, we are losing so much in the process. 

Between 80 and 90% of our communication is supported by nonverbal cues. Meaning, when we have a verbal dialogue with someone, a large portion of the impression that we make is based on body language, facial expression, intonation, and rate of speech.  We decide whether the other person is being sarcastic or humorous by analyzing their pitch and speech pattern.  Furthermore, we use these factors to decide whether or not we will trust the person we are speaking to.  Where is the presence of these elements when we text message and email?

Looking Your Best, While Still Feeling Your Best

by Linda Rosenblum and Robyn Hatcher

One thing I share at all my presentations and with all my clients is the 3 V's of effective communication. The Visual – what is seen, The Vocal – what is heard, and the Verbal – the actual words said. The most important element by far - the element that has the greatest impact- is the Visual element. When I speak about the visual aspect of communication, I usually talk about body language, posture, gestures, movement and facial expressions. However, one of the most obvious parts of our visual appearance is our clothing. One of my interns, Linda Rosenblum writes about what goes into creating an effective professional wardrobe.

  

Growing up, my mother taught me everything that she knew about dressing like a professional. "Don't show too much leg," "Make sure your shirts aren't cut too low and your heels aren't too high."  Because of this advice, I grew up dressing the way my mother would dress herself – which wasn’t exactly fashion forward.  On the first day of my first professional job, I walked through the front doors, confident in my outfit choice of a knee length skirt paired with an oversized blazer. I quickly, learned that this style was totally outdated.  Women in my office were dressed way more provocatively in tight, ill-fitting outfits and wearing their highest heels.  I was utterly shocked, so for my next day on the job, I tried to find a suitable middle ground between old-fashioned and inappropriate.

If you've been sitting at your desk pondering the effectiveness of your professional wardrobe, here are FIVE ways to impress your colleagues, while still making a statement:

Networking: If at first you don’t succeed…

Lessons Learned from Sticking it out When You Feel Like You Have Two Heads!

For a sole proprietor, marketing is always a challenge. Recently,  I closed an extremely lucrative deal to create and deliver a training workshop for a  large corporation.  I did not get offered this job as a result of Facebook, LinkedIn, twitter or any other media outlet. I got it through good old fashioned face to face networking. As I’ve mentioned before in this blog, almost 99% of my work comes from networking. But this particular networking connection almost didn’t happen since I  almost left the event prematurely in an “I hate networking” funk.

I had really been anticipating this event. It was being hosted by a woman’s organization I had just rejoined and it involved shopping - one of my all time passions. But something felt off as I entered. I ran into two people I knew right off the bat but I felt like they both kind of dissed me.  And it went downhill from there. It seemed as though everyone I made eye contact with quickly looked away thinking they could find someone better to talk to. Had I had grown a second head or something? Was I wearing the wrong dress/shoes/makeup? I watched other people chat and exchange cards while I could only manage a few fleeting encounters.