The Sounds of Obama

The other morning, I was listening to National Public Radio (NPR) and they played excerpts from three different speeches that President Obama had made the day before. Three speeches on the same day and the what struck me was that each speech SOUNDED completely different. When he spoke at the Middle East press conference, his voice was strong, direct, no nonsense and, according to the NPR radio announcer, scolding. When he spoke at the Bill Clinton dinner, his pace was lilting, slower filled with carefully placed and lengthy pauses. You could hear him smiling. Then in the snippet played from a United Nations address, we heard pure old fashion oratory style - the slight sing song, the measured tone, the predictable rhythm. One man, one day, many voices.

Why does he do that? The sound and tone of your voice contributes 38% to the effectiveness of your communication. We wouldn't wear a swim suit to a banquet or a ball gown to a beach party. Every audience, every subject, every situation should warrant a slight adjustment to a speakers tone or style in order for communication to be the most effective. I marvelled at the skill Obama demonstrated on that one day. I hope we all take a lesson from his playbook and continually add to and adjust our vocal repertoire.

Emmy Speeches: Winners and Losers

I watched the entire broadcast of the Emmy awards last night for the pure entertainment value. As I went to bed however, I asked myself to reflect on the show from my professional viewpoint. Which speech really stood out? Which presenter or winner was the most memorable and why? At first my mind went blank. Of course Neil Patrick Harris as the host was memorable. But after him, the only person that popped into my head right away was Ricky Gervais. After a little more mental escavation, my mind brought up Jessica Lange. Why these two? I'm actually writing a book on this very topic. Ricky Gervais was memorable to me because he was so clearly playing up and playing into his type. Some people might say he was "being himself." Not knowing Mr. Gervais, I can't assume that. What I can assume, is that he has become an expert at presenting aspects of himself that are consistent with his inate type (a comic/curmudgeon).

When people are able to identify and use their inate type(s) to their advantage, they automatically make the listener (or watcher in this case) say... "yeah, I get you." That doesn't mean that the listener will always like you... but they'll get you and they will most likely remember you. Same with Jessica Lange. To me, Jessica Lange, even as she's aged, embodies the Leading Lady/Ingenue type. Honest, commanding, straightforward, yet still innocent and sweet. Last night she did not feel the need to cover up that innocence and sweetness with any over dramatic "meaningful" acceptance speech. (unlike Glenn Close) That is why I believe her speech was affecting and memorable for all the right reasons.

On the other side, were the memorable for the wrong reasons. The afore mentioned Ms. Close. In all honesty, I can not comment on her speech because her first few lines made me realize that it was time for me to leave the room to take care of something. Surprisingly enough, when I came back, seemingly several minutes later, she was still talking. In my book, I have typed Ms. Close as a leading lady/villain. Villian's are, pardon the pun, a necessary evil. I think all Villains need to embrace that part of their nature at all times. I believe Ms. Close presented herself as a leading lady period and left her Villainous qualities at the door (until the very end of her speech). That makes me, as a listener, feel that she's not being totally sincere. My second "loser" speech of the night was Patricia Arquette for so many reasons. Ms. Arquette was clearly uncomfortable be it because of her clothes or because she hates public speaking. Whatever the case, I say use it! If you're uncomfortable come right out and say it or maybe turn down the offer. I'd love to hear which speeches you remembered and why.

Pause Perfect

Listening to Michelle Obama speak about health care, I couldn't help notice how well she used the power of the pause. Pausing makes everything you say, so much more powerful, important and understandable. So take a lesson from the first lady. Well there are a lot of lessons that can be taken from the first lady but as far as her presentation skills, this lesson is invaluable.

http://video.aol.com/aolvideo/AOL News/michelle-obama-us-health-care-is-unacceptable/40905123001

Temper Temper!!

Okay.... so was Serena Williams right or was she wrong to verbally abuse a tennis line umpire during the semi-finals of the U.S. Open. I don't believe anyone is ever "right" to turn to verbal abuse. Do I understand her frustration? Totally. During a match of that nature, with a score as it was an a fault so minimal... was the umpire "right"? As I watched what transpired, I felt a little sick. An Asian official and an African American celebrity. I feared what the media would turn this into. It's sad to me that the expression of extreme emotion between two ethnic minorities brings up that fear in me. When John McEnroe had his outbursts, I had no such fears. But that's another issue.

In my opinion, Serena's outburst was irresponsible and unprofessional. No, it may not have been fair but let's face it, life has never been fair. But people and especially celebrities can not continue to rationalize their "acting out" because they feel the "cause" justifies the "effect". And don't get me wrong... I don't think that Serena should have just let it go. Experiencing intense emotion in a situation like that is natural. However, there are effective and appropriate ways to communicate anger. Serena finally released a statement that comes close to taking responsibility for her actions. I still think she owes her fans and the lineswoman a true apology. I think it's important for her to clarify that passion for a game should not be confused with license to "go off on someone." It's clear that more work needs to be done around teaching individuals how to communicate and express extreme emotions.

30 Second Pitch!

CNN is doing a segment on their website, www. CNN.org called the 30-second pitch. It finds people who are out of work and puts them on film pitching themselves to perspective employers. The hostess is sunny and enthusiastically supportive of the courage the out of work individuals display. However, as I watched, I was struck by how much more effective these pitches would be if CNN had given each person a little coaching about the way they presented themselves.

I heard people dropping their energy and volume at the ends of sentences which made them sound like they were already totally defeated. I saw people whose grooming left a lot to be desired. People whose eye-contact wasn't connecting, even though they were talking to an impartial camera. But most of all... the pitches themselves, for the large part, sounded like pleading. A one note chorus of "hire me, please cause I'm out of work and I need a job"

When I coach interview skills, I like to have people express themselves more like... "Hire me because I can really help your bottom line" Let's face it, most people, employers especially, what to know "What's in it for Them" What do I get out of hiring you. I found many of the stories about the out of work 30-second pitchers on CNN.org compelling and I really hope this exposure helps them find work. I just wish that CNN would have maximized their effectiveness by giving them a few tips before putting them on camera.

Break Through!!

I'm teaching a continuing education class on business presentations right now at a local college. I have some really dedicated and wonderful students. The other night, two of my students had mini breakthroughs - nothing thrills me more! It made me wonder what creates a breakthrough. I asked one of my students and he said something like, after repeatedly getting up in front of the room doing the exercises I provided and struggling over and over with the same issues he just thought 'I can do this differently'!
I'm not getting his exact words correctly and to be honest, there really was no way for him to even communicate what he had done but all of us in the room got it. There's a time when you just get tired of being insane - doing the same thing over and over expecting different results - and you think, hey, maybe I should try doing things a different way!!! That's when you have a breakthrough. I love breakthroughs. What we also realized in class is that without repeatedly putting yourself out there, or up there in his case, you won't be able to have those breakthroughs. It's when you get tired of acting insanely that the breakthroughs come!

Nonviolent Communication

Why is it sometimes so hard to understand why people say or do what they do?

I've been reading about and studying Nonviolent Communication (NVC) www.CNVC.org for a few years. I'm taking a course right at now. It's a wonderful way to approach communication but it's not easy by any means. NVC teaches that all humans have basic universal needs (Connection, honesty, peace, play, physical well-being, meaning & autonomy) and all the actions we take are based on trying to get those needs met. Our feelings are the result of whether these needs are met or unmet.

Of course the interesting part is that even though we all share the same needs, we often use different strategies & take different actions to get those needs met. I believe that's one reason why it's so difficult to understand each other. A simple example: To get the basic need of nourishment met, some of us may choose to munch on a delicious fruit or salad and then experience feelings of satisfaction and happiness. We've met our need for food (physical well-being) But someone else with the same need for food might chow down on a jelly donut and fries. and they too may feel really happy and satisfied afterwards. Same need, different strategy for filling it. The donut eater may also have had a need for fun or spontaneity. And the fruit eater may have been filling a need for integrity. The difficult part comes in when the fruit eater meets the donut eater and feels intense judgement about the strategy he/she employed to get their needs met.

Nonviolent communication teaches us ways to communicate with each other as well as with ourselves so that we feel a connection even though we may not agree with the strategy employed. Do any of you have experience with NVC? If not check it out. www.cnvc.org