What the Heck is Presence?

When I do one on one sessions, I sometimes go to my clients. I recently did a session at a client's apartment and when I walked in, she exclaimed that my presence was so large it was strange having me in her space. No, she was not calling me fat! That made me wonder what presence actually is and where it comes from. So I went to the dictionary. Presence(n): Impressive appearance, quality or bearing. Why do I have presence? Is it what I do? or what I am? How I dress? Or how I feel?

Having a powerful presence does NOT mean strutting into a room making a grand entrance, striking a pose and speaking at the top of your voice. Doing that is sure to get you remembered but not necessarily for the right reasons. A powerful presence can be the afore mentioned scenario providing that grand entrance, pose and voice are consistent with who you are and what you represent, but a powerful presence can also be a quiet presence. 

To me, people with presence exude confidence. They  seem rooted, secure; aware of and in control of their external appearance and at ease with who they are. Presence, therefore, is communicated both from the inside and the outside. And you can develop a more powerful presence by working on it from the inside out AND from the outside in. When I work with people, I work on both at the same time.

Many people could have (and probably did) talk to me till they were blue in the face about being more confident during my "Shy" period (see previous post), but by my high school drama teacher forcing me to act confident while speaking powerful words was much more effective.

So… is it about faking it till you make it?

Yes, and No. Something about that phrase makes me cringe. The language we use to describe our learning process is very important. One of the most pervasive feelings successful professionals struggle with is the feeling of being found out to be a fraud. It’s a very common and self-sabotaging feeling. So using the word “fake” to describe a way of working on your presence, does not feel helpful. I prefer a phrase that I coined: 

“Own it while you hone it”

So for all of you who want to develop more presence... pick out a "role" or "character" you'd like to play in certain parts of your life and then Own it! Let me know how it goes!

Afraid to Sing Your Own Praises?

Do you hesitate when it's time to talk about your strengths or the benefits of your product or service? Just last week I was sitting at a table of professional coaches and therapists and when a discussion started about this topic, people still voiced the fear that telling someone your strengths was like bragging and it felt uncomfortable. This is a common issue for people,whether it's about answering questions at a job interview or pitching your product or services - people often equate promoting themselves with boasting. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP! There is a difference and hopefully I can make it clear in this blog post.

I find one of the most important ways to overcome "fear of singing your praises" or “fear of pitching”  is to shift your focus. Most of us focus on what a potential client or interviewer can do for us and less on what we can do for them. Focusing on what they can do for us makes us nervous and self conscious and taps into the “Are we good enough?” mindset. We get hung up on “Are we saying, doing the right thing to make the sale?” "Are we saying or doing the right thing to make them like me?"  Are we overselling ourselves, underselling ourselves? Instead, we should ask, “Are we saying, doing the right thing to show how excited we are about helping them.” And yes, as a job prospect, your focus should be on helping them (the company).  People do like to hire people that they like. However, they also want to hire people who will help their bottom line.

Ask yourself what I ask my clients; what value do you provide? I don’t mean what experience or education you've had or what product or service you offer or how your product or service makes people’s lives better. Most of us have learned to answer those questions. What I like to find out is why you want to be the one to provide that particular product or service. Why, faced with two people with similar resumes, should I hire you and not the other candidate? Answering the “why you” question gets you in touch with the passion behind why you do what you do and that is something nobody can judge or dispute.

Talking about how passionate you are about your strengths and skills, is not unlike the common communication strategy of using “I” language in difficult conversations. When you use “I” language, you tell people how you personally feel which makes it difficult for the person you are talking to to be offended or become defensive. Similarly, when you tell a potential client or employer how passionately you feel about your business or your skills, it’s difficult for that potential client or employer to criticize, judge or feel pressured.

There is a huge difference between talking to someone because you want to SELL something or WANT something from them and talking to someone because you are passionate about HELPING them. It’s why we have an easier time promoting our friends - we aren’t focused on getting the sale or the job but on sharing information we believe in.

There are other strategies for improving our ability to confidently sing our own praises:

• Asking for feedback from current clients or friends who believe in what you do;
• Working with a coach to develop confident body language and vocal and verbal messaging;
• Videotaping yourself practicing various pitches or interview questions till you feel comfortable.

 But I feel the most important strategy is shifting your focus off of what you want to get from people and on to what you want to give.

30 Second Pitch!

CNN is doing a segment on their website, www. CNN.org called the 30-second pitch. It finds people who are out of work and puts them on film pitching themselves to perspective employers. The hostess is sunny and enthusiastically supportive of the courage the out of work individuals display. However, as I watched, I was struck by how much more effective these pitches would be if CNN had given each person a little coaching about the way they presented themselves.

I heard people dropping their energy and volume at the ends of sentences which made them sound like they were already totally defeated. I saw people whose grooming left a lot to be desired. People whose eye-contact wasn't connecting, even though they were talking to an impartial camera. But most of all... the pitches themselves, for the large part, sounded like pleading. A one note chorus of "hire me, please cause I'm out of work and I need a job"

When I coach interview skills, I like to have people express themselves more like... "Hire me because I can really help your bottom line" Let's face it, most people, employers especially, what to know "What's in it for Them" What do I get out of hiring you. I found many of the stories about the out of work 30-second pitchers on CNN.org compelling and I really hope this exposure helps them find work. I just wish that CNN would have maximized their effectiveness by giving them a few tips before putting them on camera.